know you broken
by foggynite
Summary: Toshiki is the blind one. (yaoi, Toshiki, Kadsuki, Jubei)


Title: know you broken By foggynite Fandom: GetBackers Pairing: Toshiki/Kadsuki/Jubei Summary: Toshiki is the blind one.

When you were younger, before the Raitei and the Volts took him away from you, you would fall asleep some nights with your head pillowed on his lap.  
  
He loved to watch you dance, he said. You said it was just fighting. But he loved the graceful lines, he said, as you swiftly struck down an opponent. The one thing you could do to hold his attention, if only for a moment in the violence.  
  
That meeting was Fate, you can see, looking back over the years. At first glance, you had mistaken him for a girl, long hair and feminine carriage. But there was a steel strength to him that a woman could not possess. At least, not any that you'd met. He smiled at you with pretty lips, looking up from under long lashes, and you had grudgingly given your name, far too gruff for such a noble person to be received.  
  
But he smiled, and forgave you, and took you back to his corner of the Lower Level because you had no where else to go. No where else and you followed the flash of his smile, and the sway of his hips.  
  
Then he introduced you to his friend. His protector, his doctor, his shadow. Kakei Jubei.  
  
It was at that point that you realized only a fraction of his attention had been on you the entire time you spoke. Because when he looked at Jubei, when he stood near Jubei, it was like a veil was lifted. The boy-girl you had met was stripped away and Fuuchoin Kadsuki shone like a beacon, bright searing light. The bond between them was far more intricate than any of his string creations.  
  
And Jubei knew you felt that warmth, that you wanted to bask in it like a cat in the sun. That easy love Kadsuki showed with every touch, every glance. The needle boy knew, but he said nothing to you. It confused you at first, the lack of hostility or discouragement. You expected him to stake his claim, to prove that he was there first. You expected to have to fight for Kadsuki's special affection, because the web spinner poured it on only those he deemed worthy of his attention.  
  
But you were surprised to find it accorded so effortlessly to yourself. There was no protest from Jubei, no open declaration from Kadsuki. You were simply folded into their lives and Fugue was born, webs and needles and winds. When they huddled together at night in the blankets Sakura had spent the day repairing, you were pulled into the pile, neatly fitted on one side of Kadsuki as Jubei was fitted to the other.  
  
It took you a while to realize. It took you a while to see. When you grew frustrated and dejected at Kadsuki's continued affection, but lack of passion towards you, you finally stepped back far enough to perceive what you had failed to observe before.  
  
Jubei had never fought for Kadsuki because he knew that he had Kadsuki, without question, without doubt. Kadsuki was his with every breath the weaver took. You weren't worth fighting because you weren't a threat. You could compete with him in brawling, you could try to be more fierce and graceful and powerful, but Jubei would always be Kadsuki's first concern. The web spinner would always worry and tease and fawn over his guardian first because Jubei would always be there.  
  
Sometimes you wondered if it had just been a case of you coming too belatedly. Later, out of the Infinite City and floating in the real world, letting your hate fester, you wondered what your life would have been like if you had met Kadsuki first. If Jubei would have been the one hopelessly pining while Kadsuki's life revolved around you.  
  
When Kadsuki met the Reitei, you knew it was time for you to cut your losses and leave. The simple affection between them that was the same as his affection for you hurt the most, that his smile could so easily be directed at someone else. Not at all like the smile reserved for Jubei.  
  
So there was nothing for you to stay for but heartbreak, because you could see yourself turning on Jubei one day. Hitting him in the back when he least expected it, and only the knowledge of Kadsuki's ensuing sorrow stayed your hand. You would rather die than cause him such anguish, so you left.  
  
But the heartbreak came with you. It followed you through the streets, and twisted itself in your chest at night, and all you wanted was to see him laugh again. So you went back to the Infinite City, knowing he wouldn't be difficult to find.  
  
It was then you learned that Volts had disbanded, the Thunder Emperor and his Four Kings scattered to the wind. Kadsuki was gone. He had even left his faithful Jubei behind.  
  
You've never felt such white hot anger as you did that day, hearing that he had abandoned everything you gave up for him, everything you forfeited just so that he would be happy. Knowing that he had effectively spit on all your sacrifices, you knew that you meant little to him. Years you had thought the best of your life, following him around, making nice with Jubei, all gone on a whim. So easily given, so easily forgotten.  
  
You laugh now, reflecting on how clearly your love turned to hate, how you were blinded by it. You hadn't even had a sufficient answer when asked why you hated Kadsuki so fiercely. You just had. You hadn't wanted to look too closely at why, because then you would've had to remember your love for him, and that would have disarmed you completely.  
  
So when you had the chance to battle Jubei, you didn't hesitate. You wanted to destroy him, because you knew that it would destroy part of Kadsuki as well. What you didn't realize is that it would have destroyed part of you, too.  
  
He never fought you because he never saw you as a threat. And he didn't see you as a threat because he acknowledged you as an equal. It had never occurred to you that his silence, his willingness to fight alongside you, was his brand of affection. You never realized that he had made a place for you, too. He hadn't just tolerated you because Kadsuki deemed you a worthy ally.  
  
Kadsuki, who trusted you still, and knew, even after all these years, that you would never strike him in the back. The fact that he could not say the same for Jubei said something of their relationship, but then, Jubei had been just as ruthless as you, if not more so. But their bonds were still there, in Jubei's sightless eyes and Kadsuki's worried gaze. You had been too blind with jealousy to see that the worry was for you, too, and to realize that you were bound to them as well.  
  
Your head is pillowed on Kadsuki's lap now, as you drift near sleep. The hand running through your spiky hair is Jubei's, and you acknowledge that Kadsuki fits so easily between the two of you. Not because he faces Jubei, or doesn't look at you, but because you both are special to him. You both bring him joy.  
  
You open your eyes to watch them languidly kissing, the type of kisses that stem from love and comfort and contentedness. When Jubei's fingertips trail down your cheek, to your lips, you kiss his skin fondly.  
  
Kadsuki breaks away from his guardian, looks down at you, his other protector. He smiles as sweetly as the first day you met him, and you are blinded by his light.4/10/04 


End file.
